I wrote this post with the intention to share where I see myself and Balance & Bolus going forward into 2021, after the perils of 2020. I don't have all the answers or words of wisdom in regard to Type 1 Diabetes. I'm still in the process of learning about nutrition. I am constantly changing and evolving. This intersection between my ever-changing life as a diabetic is what I want Balance & Bolus to exemplify because if 2020 taught me anything it's that I will figure it out, just one day at a time. So if you care to, please join me :-)
same me, new foods, big laughs, less pressure.
The year of wildfires, COVID-19, political mayhem, and many other events that made 2020 a most tumultuous year is coming to an end. I expect the troubles of 2020 to continue nipping at our heels like in 2021, and I don’t know how to stop or prepare for that. All I can do is keep moving forward with my chin a little higher and my smile a little bigger because if there’s anything I am 100% sure of about myself, it’s that I want to help others and be a shoulder to lean on for those who are feeling off-balance.
When I read through my journal of 2020, a common thread intertwined through nearly every passage is my desire to please others. I put pressure on myself to be an anchor for others who were being swept up by 2020. I wanted to make them laugh through funny videos, listen to them vent on FaceTime, give them words of encouragement. But I wasn’t all that stable either. I wasn’t rock-solid in my 2020 shoes. I felt drunk off the confusion of what to do in 2020. Who to help, where to give my time, how to save the world. Spoiler: I cannot save the world, especially when I’m not taking care of myself.
I took a little over a month off of Instagram from November to the end of December, and it was lovely. I was beginning to feel the pressure on that platform to motivate, encourage, come up with profound words of wisdom underneath every smiling picture of myself. I did share many of my lows, and I had no problem doing so, but I never felt entirely comfortable because of where I stood in this world. Who am I to complain. Who am I to feel the pain that others would love to have. This questioning myself and comparing my problems to others made it nearly impossible for me to have a healthy social media relationship. I started questioning what I was even doing running a blog and Instagram, even though I had been so passionate about both.
What led me to start Balance & Bolus, a blog about diabetes and life, was the fact that I had lived about 15 years (at the time) with Type 1 Diabetes. I had gone through grades 1st-12th plus four years of college with the mood swings and demands of this high maintenance disease, and I turned out pretty good. I knew a thing or two about my diabetes and figured I must have some advice to give and stories to share. And I did. But I’ve changed and with that, so has my diabetes and the obstacles it presents to me. I am continuously learning new things about my diabetes and my body. I am continually learning new things about myself and the life I’m living. I don’t have all the answers since my life is ever-changing. The intersection between my life and diabetes is what I want to give my attention to.
Life and diabetes. Balance and bolus. I don’t know if I’ll ever settle. I am spontaneous. I am independent. I am full of love to give. I have one more year of school, and then who knows what will happen. I’ll do a ten-month internship….somewhere over the rainbow. I’ll move. I’ll meet new people. Try new foods. Explore new passions. These possibilities of the future are what excite me right now, and I keep my chin up and smile big. I want Balance & Bolus to be this museum of my life as me, Ciara, with just a pinch of Type 1 Diabetes.
So with that said: I’m Ciara. I like to laugh until my belly hurts. I cry too easily at films. I will always have one more bite. I will read for hours on my couch with smooth jazz playing in the background. I enjoy my oui’d to help ground me and slow me down. I love a bold glass of red wine. I have a craving for flavors I have yet to encounter. I like to roam on my own globally. I love a dirty joke. I’m a dual citizen of Ireland, my favorite place on Earth. And I love meeting new people. So hello! If you’ve liked what you’ve read, then stick around for the party. It’ll be a good one.